MY COPING MECHANISM

January 13, 2020

HOW I WAS FEELING THROUGHOUT & MY COPING MECHANISMS:

It took a relatively short time to come to terms with, or absorb the enormity of my diagnosis. Once I did, my entire being went into a “how do I beat this thing?” mode.

I had a long chat with the man above, prayed and waited anxiously for what was to come next like a determined warrior waiting to go into battle.

I read every piece of literature I could get my hands on about invasive DCIS, went online to read feedback from those who had battled DCIS, got myself a little notebook and wrote my questions for the consultants to ensure I didn’t forget anything I needed to know.

I constantly talked with myself and affirmed I was going to beat this. One of the many emotions I often felt was that of gratitude. Gratitude that I was the one going through this and not any of my mums.

Being a Christian, most nights when I couldn’t sleep, when I was in pain, when my body felt so weak and unlike mine… when my stomach was bloated and rumbling in the middle of the night, I just gave thanks and prayed. I thanked God for living in a country where there was an institute and specialists to take such great care of me. Then I prayed for divine healing and strength to see it all through.

I had always practised yoga but only dabbled in meditation so I decided to take a deeper dive into the art and it helped a great deal.

I never had a breakdown moment and I stayed positive throughout all of my procedures. Once in a while, the enormity of everything I was going through hit and I got a little emotional, but gratitude always kicked in quickly and I’m just thankful to still be with my loved ones.

I chose not to stay in isolation so told a few chosen friends and family then went about with my everyday normal things while keeping to the hospital’s guidelines.

MY PARENTS:

My family setup was quite diverse in that at the time of my diagnosis, half of my immediate family had always resided in the UK and the other half in Lagos. My two mums, one in the UK and the other in Lagos were informed.

My siblings are also split and all were informed of my diagnosis and course of treatment plan. Some were my chosen support team coupled with some of my closest friends.

Dad was not in very good health when I last saw him. I had spent a few hours with him before leaving Lagos to return back to the UK. We talked of my sudden wanting to travel back to sort out some things as I had only been in Lagos a short while. I made no mention of my discovery because I was not sure of what I was dealing with.

We talked after my diagnosis but as he was in such bad health decided not to give him such news of his daughter having cancer. He passed away a few days after my first major cancer surgery. He was in his early seventies.

Although our family suffered a huge loss in dad’s passing, we gained a newborn as one of my sisters gave birth to a boy exactly a week after his passing.

REACTIONS FROM FRIENDS & FAMILY:

When I broke the news to my family and friends, there were mixed reactions mostly leading to the person I was telling breaking down in tears and I had to comfort them. One family member shocked me by bringing up issues that had no relevance to what I had just told them and others just asked what they could do to help?.

I quickly identified family and friends that were extremely emotional and started crying as soon as they saw me, and cautioned them that there was going to be none of that while I was around them.

Most of my chosen family and friends were receptive, supportive, kind and did all they could to support and comfort me. I guess one can say that I was sort of spreading myself around these few chosen loved ones, doing fun things and laughing a lot. I didn’t stay with anyone for too long so it was fun.

INNER STRENGTH:

I always remembered what Prof Ellis who was Head of Oncology at Guy’s during my treatment had said the first time we met, which was that I was going to need all the strength I have in the next few months. That most people kill themselves mentally first, so treatment becomes very hard. Boy, he was right…

I guess I can say in a nutshell that my coping mechanisms were staying positive, yoga and meditation. I reached deep within my inner core to draw the strength I needed – not just for myself – but for the few blessed chosen people around me, who because of their own personal problems or past loss, found it hard to stay positive around me.

On making the discovery that something might be wrong with my right breast, I called a close friend on what I should do as I was temporarily unable to think. The advice and instruction he gave me were followed as instructed. “Kemi, don’t let this worry you too much because it could be a number of things. Call your GP, make an appointment for the end of the week and get yourself back home ASAP.” That would not have been possible if I had chosen to go it all alone.