The Community
From the moment I was diagnosed with DCIS, one of the things I thought about constantly were the people around me. I thought about how I didn’t want to be a burden on anyone in my life, how I was not going to permit anyone to feel sorry for me – or treat me like I was about to die. My diagnosis was not good, but my prognosis was very optimistic.
Thoughts of people in my life were also the motivation and deciding factor on how I structured my care team, outside of hospital treatments at Guy’s.
Most often the main focus is on the person who has been diagnosed, as they will be undergoing treatments and operations. However, the underlining fact is that the people around them are also going through life-altering changes too, by what they are witnessing.
The title “The Community” was reinforced a few days ago while catching up with a friend, whose sibling sadly passed away from breast cancer some years ago.
He stated that diagnosed people really worry about their families and the people around them. He said it would be important to have a segment dedicated purely to the family members and loved ones of those dealing with or who have had an encounter with cancer.
I agreed totally that it was important to hear from those groups of people. Their experiences are valuable and more importantly, their input can help others currently going through a similar situation.
During my DCIS treatment and procedures, when with friends and family, I would quietly observe them – trying to gauge how what I was going through may be affecting them.
I remember asking my sisters and they really couldn’t articulate their own personal feelings but all they wanted was for it all to be over with. I was mainly praised for my strength as a person and how I seemed to be handling the entire situation without any visible emotional scars.
Thinking back, whenever I was with my sisters, we just did fun things and laughed a lot. I caught them up on what was next in terms of treatment or operations then we just moved on to better things. They never really made a “thing” out of it and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
My youngest sister had people within her circle of friends that had encounters with cancer, so she would talk about that and how it made her feel but the focus and sympathy were always on the diagnosed and how they coped.
I also spent a few days at a time after a chemo session with my brother and his family and again they didn’t make a ‘thing’ of it. His partner would ask what was next and all everyone wanted was for all that I was enduring with the treatment to be worth it.
Their lives didn’t stop and I was sometimes on childminding duties while she wasn’t around. I would say life just went on as normal apart from this slight alteration to my life.
I tried having the same discussion with my UK mum but she would start crying at the mere mention of the C-word. She always expressed her sadness at this happening to me and I always ensured her I was going to be fine.
My mum in Lagos was in total disbelief that her daughter was going through such a thing as cancer and there was a lot of prayers and fasting from her end. She had already lost one son and I wasn’t sure she was equipped to handle losing her only daughter.
DCIS and I became acquainted so unexpectedly at a point when life-changing alterations were about to begin, my journey with it has brought me to this point, my decision to talk openly about it became a quest to educate, educate, educate about cancer especially within the African and Asian communities.
I see the world with a totally different pair of eyes. I have a greater thirst to do more – more than I ever thought possible. It has given me wings of steel with an attitude that nothing is impossible to achieve – as long as I put in the hours, the sky’s the limit.
I call out to ALL families, especially those within BAME communities, friends and loved ones of anyone that has ever had someone in their life go through cancer, to use this platform and share their personal journey. Share what you feel at having seen or cared for a loved one go through an experience with cancer.
Are you a friend, child, sibling, or partner of someone diagnosed with cancer? I need to know how you were, how you are now and how that experience has shaped your life.
Your experiences are important, knowingly or not, your experience observing this person has likely had an impact in forming your reality today.