As a cancer survivor who has endured so much from diagnosis to the various forms of treatment including chemo, radiotherapy and six surgeries, getting the ‘all clear’ and being told that you are in remission is one of the best things in the world to hear from your consultant.

For me, it was a sign of hope, a new beginning, and reassurance that life could begin again on a totally different level. When the (then) head of Oncology, Dr Harris, gave me that news, I felt myself elevating from my chair with relief, like an anchor had just been loosened from my neck.

On being told this incredibly good news which I believe all cancer patients would welcome, I was also informed that I had to take really great, no, excellent care of myself. I needed to be observant of any changes to my body especially around the region of my breasts.

To date, I would say that statement never left me, it has always been at the back of my mind, in fact, it became my motto.

Life continued to move along and I did my best to make the most of my new norm. It had now been over three years since DCIS popped into my existence.

Over a three week period,  I had been having some mild aches inside my left breast, the breast which was previously not affected. While this could have been part of the healing process from having had a breast augmentation late in the previous year, the fact that the pain was continuous played serious havoc on my mind. Every time I felt the ache, my entire body went into panic mode.

The first thing I did was call the Breast Care Nurses at Guy’s that have always taken excellent care of me and told them what had been happening. After answering all of their questions, my pre-booked routine appointment in September was rescheduled to 7th August 2020 (a week later) I was instructed to monitor that breast very carefully and inform the Breast Care Team of any further changes.

I also called the GP but because of COVID, a doctor at the practice called me back to have a telephone consultation. I couldn’t go into the surgery as they weren’t seeing patients, but also because they could not do much more, so it was best to act as instructed by Guy’s Breast Care Team.

I was having sleepless nights and quite stressful days but tried to stay positive and not let my mind drive me off the edge while counting the days until seeing my surgeon, Dr Ash.

Until then, I conducted a self-examination every day, sometimes a few times a day. I kept this current event to myself for now, purely because nothing has been confirmed and I refused to disrupt the lives of my loved ones any more than I already had. I did however keep a journal of events as they continued.

Today is Friday 31st July 2020. The temperature in London town today is currently 36C, one of the hottest days on record. I slept a little better than previous nights and more importantly, the ache on the left breast has subsided but is not completely gone. 

This got me thinking, was I letting fear of a reoccurrence get to me, or was I just being thorough like I was told to be?. While I strongly believe I dealt with channelling my fear into fuel, I think fear had a little to do with it if I’m completely honest.

Anyone who has ever had a course of chemotherapy treatment would be afraid. Going through chemo once is enough for a lifetime and my heart really bleeds for those whose faith calls for a reoccurrence.

The other thing that came to mind was the fact that I will never really be without one form of discomfort or another within my body. There is always a tingling or some form of sensation from either breast.

Underneath the arm where the lymph nodes were removed remained completely numb and hard and over three years later, it’s only just getting softer and there are always crazy sensations there. I guess the key thing is mastering the recognition of anything outside of those discomforts.

Today is Friday 7th August. Another hot, hot day in London town. I attended my long-awaited appointment to see my breast surgeon. As always, Dr Ash Kothari (head Onco-Plastic Breast Surgeon and Clinical Lead) was happy to see me and after our friendly inquiries into each other’s lives during the pandemic, we finally got down to why I was there.

I explained about the ache on the left breast and how concerned I had been every time the ache started. I was asked into the examination room and he did his thing.

After his thorough examination, Dr Ash said he couldn’t feel anything out of the ordinary but to be sure he would like me to go for a scan then come right back to see him. He also said there was a swollen lymph node by my right collar bone he would also like to get checked out. So off I went to the imaging department.

I had an ultrasound-guided breast scan done on my pair of breasts. Ultrasound uses high-frequency sound waves to produce detailed images of the breasts and areas around them.

I also had a biopsy of the swollen lymph node taken with the guide of the scan. This will be sent away to the lab for a closer examination. For me, more to stress over.

I returned to Dr Ash’s office and he again assured me that there was nothing to be afraid of and to come back next week for the results of the biopsy.

I left Dr Ash relieved that I was fine, but what about the swollen lymph node? I have to try my hardest to stay calm for the next few days.

Today is Wednesday 12th August. Yesterday morning I received a letter for my appointment to revisit Dr Ash and receive the results of the lymph node biopsy taken last week. I will also see him again on Thursday the 13th August in the morning.

I then received a call from the Breast Care Team informing me that the appointment has been moved to Friday morning because the test results will be with them on Friday by the time I get to the clinic.

While I know that delays can happen sometimes and I’m by no means upset at all, the slight ache in my stomach tightened slightly as I have one more day to go before I can breathe freely again.

Today is Friday 14th August. I was due to see Dr Ash at Guy’s at 12:40 PM but I received a call from the Breast Care Team that my lab results were still not ready and would not be ready till next week Tuesday when Dr Ash’s clinic reopens.

My next appointment is now on Tuesday 18th of August at 13:10 PM. I am fine with this because I know how stretched the lab must be. That ache in the depth of my guts is having a rather tough time though.

I’m still using my fear as fuel, so it’s going to be an extra-productive next few days and I have been busy from the moment I rolled out of bed this morning, working simultaneously on my projects.

Today is Wednesday 19th August. I had my appointment to receive my test results of the lymph node biopsy. I was called in by Dr. Ash and on walking in, I saw a Breast Care nurse who quickly stood up and introduced herself to me, then asked me to take a seat as Dr. Ash had walked away once I stepped into his office. That knot in my gut tightened another notch.

Dr. Ash came back after only a few minutes but it felt a lot longer. I fixed my entire being and focus on him as he sat down and looked at his computer. The Breast Care nurse, whose name I still cannot remember, focused her gaze and attention on me.

He looked at me and said, “Kemi, the biopsy came back showing cancer in it.” It’s only one (1) lymph node and it’s at a very early stage and it hasn’t started to spread. We detected it early so I’m going to advise you not to worry or stress while I send you for some tests which will help us determine a course of treatment. All your other scans came back clear, so we are good.” 

I just sat there and gazed at him as the Breast Care nurse tried to check if I was ok. I remember looking at her blankly as I tried to resume breathing, then turned back to Dr. Ash. “I know this was unexpected but it’s a very early detection.”

“Hopefully it will be radiotherapy and some drugs but the team and I will discuss the best method once the latest results come through.” Shakily, I blinked and I heard myself repeating what he had just said but I added “no chemotherapy?” He said: “let’s wait for the results, so try not to worry.”

He then started giving me the low down of what was going to be done and honestly, everything after that was a blur. The lovely Breast Care nurse stood up and guided me to my feet while saying “you have to go for your mammogram now, but don’t worry I will walk you down there.”

We walked in silence as she observed my every motion. At one point, I actually started physically trembling and although I wasn’t making any audible sound, the tears were uncontrollable. She asked if there was someone she could call on my behalf and I said no, but urged her not to worry as my body was just grasping the enormity of what had just happened.

We got to the imaging department and I heard her telling the receptionist I was in for a mammogram and a biopsy of the lymph node which was urgently required. She led me to a chair and went back to the receptionist. 

When she returned she informed me I could call the Breast Care nurses at any time if I needed to talk further and that there could be a bit of a wait but I should get called in soon. I thanked her and assured her I would be fine and she went back to the Breast Care Team.

I don’t know how many minutes passed, but I stood up once I heard my name. The radiology technologist was a woman. She talked me through the process and guided my non-synthetic breast into the X-ray machine and after a few rotations, we were done.

I went back to the waiting area to await the lymph node biopsy call. Again I came to life on hearing my name called by the nurse. She introduced me to the sonographer who would conduct the ultrasound-guided needle biopsy. 

On taking a closer look she decided against doing the biopsy because it was quite close to a large artery. She advised me to go home and await a call the following day with an appointment date from the Interventional Radiology department, who will be better equipped to perform the procedure. 

Arteries are strong vessels that carry blood from your heart to the rest of the body. They transport blood containing oxygen and nutrients to smaller arterioles which then deliver blood to even smaller vessels called capillaries.

That Call From Intervention Radiology: I was called late morning Wednesday 19th August as promised and went through the motions but because of COVID-19 and all the new safety measures that had been put in place to protect patients and hospital staff, it was a rather lengthy one.

I accepted the dates and instructions given, then called the Breast Care Team. A Specialist Breast Care Nurse named Grania called me back within thirty minutes and I gave her the dates I was offered. She said to leave things with her, she would read my notes from Dr. Ash and look into getting me an earlier appointment.

The Call Back: Grania called back and these were the instructions to follow:

A. Tuesday 25th August I will get a telephone call from the assessment team in preparation for the biopsy.

B. Wednesday 26th August I will go into St. Thomas’ Hospital for a Positron Emission Tomography scan, AKA a PET scan. This allows the doctors to check for diseases in the body. The scan uses a special dye containing radioactive tracers. These tracers are either swallowed, inhaled, or injected into the vein. I’ve had a PET scan before and it came back clean, so I’m praying for the same outcome this time around.

C. Saturday 29th August AM I’ll take a home COVID-19 swab test. This involves taking a swab of both nostrils and the back of the throat using a long cotton bud then placed in a tube.

D. Tuesday 1st September at St. Thomas’ Hospital, at the Intervention Radiology Department the lymph node biopsy will be performed. A week later on September 7th, I will return to Dr. Ash for results and cause of treatment.

Today is Thursday 20th August. The third day after my lymph node biopsy results. I needed to educate myself on what I was told and be more informed on what was going on with my body. I could call the Breast Care Nurses but decided to go online instead.

This Is What We Know: I wrote a rather lengthy piece on lymphoedema where I explained extensively how the lymphatic system worked. Basically and overall, lymph nodes work as a biological filtering system.

So at the moment that one affected swollen lymph node by my right collar bone, next to a large artery, is basically preventing the cancer from getting access through to the rest of my body.

On reading this, Dr. Ash’s words came back to me which were “we detected it at an early stage, it hasn’t spread, however, let’s run a few more tests to ensure nothing is going on anywhere else.Then we can determine the best form of treatment so, for now, don’t panic.”

Today is Friday 21st August. If you have been following my story from the first diagnosis with DCIS a few years back. I had expressed my interest in having children but because of the type of cancer I had, harvesting my eggs was not an option as this would have taken some time.

I had kept in contact with Guy’s Assisted Conception Unit and we had mapped out a plan of helping me achieve a pregnancy. It was a lengthy process and I had to see a Fertility Counsellor in order to confirm I/we were up to the task. I was.

Then COVID-19 happened and everything was put on hold. I attended my appointment which was booked to resume the process today, but sadly I had to inform them of this latest discovery.

While discussing what my options would be once this latest discovery has been sorted, it became apparent that had COVID-19 not reared its ugly head, there was a chance I could be pregnant right now. That would have made detecting the cancer this time around more difficult, let alone  treating the damned thing.

Today is Monday 24th August. Over the weekend I decided to inform three of my closest friends. This resulted in me having the best night’s sleep in the past four (4) weeks. 

They all wanted to know how they could assist and all grabbed their diaries to get dates of upcoming appointments.Two insisted on accompanying me to the results and action plan appointment with my consultant Dr. Ash on the 7th of September. I feel so, so blessed and fortunate to have these people in my life and thankful to God for having our paths crossed.

While I chose to talk with my chosen family, I’m yet to inform my blood family and will not until there is more information.They have all been through so much and I would feel much better giving them this news coupled with a treatment plan.

Today is Tuesday 25th August. I received a call from the Breast Care Pre-Assessment team this morning with information and questions. It all sounded like I was about to have surgery but I just went with it.

I answered all of their questions then was informed that on the day of the biopsy, I would be admitted in the morning and discharged the same day once I recovered (woke up) from the biopsy, so I’d need to arrange to be discharged to a friend or family member. Oops, that was when it hit me that they were going to put me to sleep.This is going to be the seventh (7) time I will be put to sleep since DCIS popped into my existence.

Today is Wednesday 26th August. I went into St.Thomas’ Hospital for a Positron EmissionTomography (PET) scan. The process entailed not eating and drinking for a certain time period so I just decided to fast until the scan had been done – in order to not make any mistakes with food and water.

I was given a radioactive tracer injection which was to stay in the body for a few hours. It gives a small but correct amount of radiation needed to perform the scan and there are no significant side effects. 

I had a one-hour wait for the radioactive tracer to take effect. I was offered a small cubicle with a chair and a bed but was too pumped up to sleep, so decided to do some joyful catching up with the month’s copy of Vogue.

One hour after the tracer injection was administered, I was instructed to empty my bladder and take off my bra in preparation for the PET scan. Once inside the scanning room, I was instructed on the position to assume for the next thirty (30) minutes without moving.

Today is Thursday 27th August: An email came through from my Fertility Counsellor at Guy’s offering me a telephone consultation to discuss my current situation. Confirmed a call on 15th September at 8:30 AM.

Today is Thursday 27th August. An email came through from my Fertility Counsellor at Guy’s offering me a telephone consultation to discuss my current situation. Confirmed a call for 15th September at 8:30 AM.

Today is Friday 28th August. The results of the PET scan done on Wednesday at St. Thomas’ will be with Dr. Ash today. I was only able to hold off calling the Breast Care Team until 8 AM. The norm is to call their line, that will be picked up by their operators who will forward an email to them with your requests and details.

About an hour later, Specialist Breast Care Nurse Kathy called me back. She looked at the PET scan results and said to the best of her knowledge there was nothing new indicated in the scan apart from that one lymph node, which we already knew about. She also said she would talk with Dr. Ash to take another look to confirm what she had just told me.

When she hung up, I noticed I was trembling from adrenalin, so I sat at the edge of my bed, closed my eyes and took deep breaths in and out while I prayed… 

Thirty minutes later, Dr. Ash called me to confirm all I had been told by Kathy, the Specialist Breast Care Nurse. Again, he urged me to relax and do the last biopsy, then see him on the 7th of September as planned. 

I exhaled. I then prayed again to give thanks tot God and grabbed my phone to give my close friends the good news. They were all so incredible upon hearing the scan results.

Today is Saturday 29th August. The COVID-19 home test day! I slept so badly that I was happy when it was time to get out of bed for my early morning run. The run was enjoyable as always, but I made sure to be back home in time for the COVID-19 courier delivery. This is part of the prep for the hospital admittance for the biopsy on Tuesday morning.

The kit arrived via a very friendly driver who asked if I’d had the test done before. On saying no, he talked me through the motions, then went back to his van to wait for the kit. Home test done. I received a text that evening informing me my test was NEGATIVE. 

Today is Tuesday 1st September 2020. I attended the lymph node biopsy procedure at St. Thomas’ Hospital early this morning. Arrived at the Interventional Radiology Department with one of my close girlfriends Hedieh, but sadly she had to leave as soon as we arrived because of the new COVID-19 restrictions. 

I was assigned to a bed, given a hospital gown, a pair of socks and asked to get changed while the attending nurse got my preoperative process started. She noticed I have very small veins so before attempting to insert a cannula (which is usually a task) to the back of my left arm, we did the warm water trick to get the veins popping, she attempted it only once and was successful. Phew!

There was quite a bit to the process, lots of questions, form signing, and other procedures. The doctor performing the biopsy came to introduce herself and confirmed we both agreed on what she would be doing before being wheeled into the theatre.

A few hours later I was taken into the theatre and informed on how the biopsy would be performed. It was going to be an ultrasound-guided biopsy, the area would be numbed and I will be awake. Yes!

The biopsy took about an hour then I was put on bed rest and observed by my nurse for another two hours with continual vitals monitoring. Once the two hours were almost over, I was offered a drink and something to eat while my nurse observed.

The doctor came back to see me and after a brief chat signed my discharge form. I was given some plasters to change the dressing on the biopsy area with instructions. My other close friend Jane was called to come and collect me so got dressed and waited to be picked up.

Today is Tuesday 8th September. My appointment to see Dr. Ash for all my test results was yesterday afternoon. I attended the appointment with two close friends. Dr. Ash confirmed that all my test results (ultrasound, PET, MRI, mammogram) came back clean. The biopsy (first and second) came back that there is early onset cancer on that one lymph node. It’s positioned in between two main large arteries, the bad outweighed the good as I was told I may sustain some mobility issues if he tried to remove it and even if it was to be taken out I still needed to have some treatment.

Second Diagnosis: Confirmed Metastatic Lymph Node on The Right Supraclavicular Isolated Breast Metastases.

Dr. Ash answered all our questions and guided us through what the process of treatment may be. The dreaded word chemotherapy was spoken as likely to be part of my treatment, as Dr. Ash said it would really help in killing the cancer – combined with other drugs.

The oncology team will contact me next week after reviewing my results with a plan of treatment then invite me in to present my options.

Today is Thursday 10th September. I received an email from Guy’s instructing me to log onto a site to view a new letter. I did as instructed and it was a letter informing me I would receive a call from the Medical Oncology Breast Clinic on Monday 21st September at 12:30 PM. 

Today is Thursday 17th September 2020. A call came through today from Guy’s Breast Care Centre informing me that my appointment on Monday 21st of September had been changed. I’m to go into Guy’s Medical Oncology Breast Clinic on Monday at 10:30 AM..