I’m a huge believer in letting loved ones know when things are not as they should be and even more so when our health is affected. It’s one of the many reasons for creating RebeKemi and telling my story.

While I’m not advocating shouting about being affected by cancer from the rooftops, I believe our loved ones, our nearest and dearest should at least be informed so that when things get really tough there are at least a few people to turn to for that much-needed comfort, encouragement and support. Yet, without throwing our loved ones’ lives into a dreaded spin, because we have given them time to make plans by informing them from the onset.

Those chosen loved ones need time to first get their heads around the idea of your illness before they can start preparing themselves on how they may be able to help and perhaps start educating themselves on whatever the illness is, in order to help YOU better.

Usually, when a loved one is ill or needs to have major surgery, the focus is often enough on the person affected. However, there is also a huge impact on the people around them. My advice is to learn and understand your illness or surgery as much as possible so that you are better equipped to inform your loved ones. This will definitely help with the fear factor. The more you know about your diagnosis, the better equipped you are at informing your chosen loved ones.

Because we are in COVID times, having a family member or friend attend a hospital visit is currently banned unless one is disabled. Someone from my chosen support team often dialled into my appointment while my consultant talked about my diagnosis and direction and we asked questions together. In some cases, their questions gave them a better understanding of my diagnosis and treatment.

Also because of how quickly and complex these appointments can sometimes be coupled with nerves, it’s a blessing to have another pair of ears listening in on your behalf, there have been times when I thought my consultant said one thing, only to discover that he didn’t.

I helped my support team help me better by being vulnerable, honest and giving them as much information on every aspect of my situation from appointment times to operation dates. We even discussed what was said at my appointments together to help get a better sense of what was happening. They even knew when I was going into the hospital for blood tests.

It’s now May 2021 and the lockdown restrictions in London are being relaxed and the weather is beginning to feel more like summer. Friends who have no idea what I have been going through since last year are getting in touch to meet up and catch up, so I have decided to add a few more selected close friends to the list to open up to when I see them.

While I don’t need my support team to grow any larger than it is, there are a few more close friends that I can’t help but tell when we meet up because they know me and my history with breast cancer.

Psychological Therapy:

I’m blessed with having a select few people in my life that have been nothing more than incredibly, selflessly fantastic during my second time of diagnosis. One person came into my life totally unexpectedly and has been nothing more than a miracle, and vital to my mental health: a very unique person – from Guy’s and St. Thomas’ Dimbleby Cancer Care Services.

All hail the incredible, formidable Ruth Richardson! There is only so much one can say to family and friends about how one is feeling at any given time – as the emotions run from 0 to 100. Ruth came in with no pre-empted feelings, judgement, expectations or anything else for that matter. This type of person makes everything you are going through about YOU, while offering a safe haven where you don’t have to be brave for anyone in your world – truly a God-sent gift.

I was open to bringing up any issues from any point of my life, expressing my truest feelings, from childhood, my journey to date and my aspirations for the future. The mask could come off and I could let my hair down with no judgement or fear of offending anyone. I could express my truest, deepest feelings. It was and has been nothing short of exhilaration, especially during these very trying lockdown COVID times. 

This also got me thinking, what happens to those who are not able to get such services, or even know that such help is available; how do they cope? While counting myself extremely lucky, I kept thinking how do the people in other, perhaps less privileged communities  cope with the effect of cancer?

It makes me think of my second home, Nigeria, where mental health is not talked about openly. How do they cope?. These thoughts only made me more determined in my quest to change cancer services there. There is so much work to be done, and God willing, a change will be brought about, I just need to get through these final hurdles of my treatment.